


Black Ink

by BiancaMae



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Evan is bi lol sorry friends, Evan/Jared mention but very silly and small, Gen, Grown up Evan, I just love that bisexual kid, Tattoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 05:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10586955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiancaMae/pseuds/BiancaMae
Summary: Evan has the photo, the books and another reminder of the boy who changed his life by taking his own. Connor's handwriting is tattooed in black ink over the spot where his name was originally written on Evan's cast.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a headcanon post on Tumblr a while back that Evan gets a tattoo of Connor's name, however I can't remember where I saw it or who the OP is so full credit to them! If I find out who it was I'll edit to give proper credit!

Years later, Evan still carries Connor with him.

Once he's graduated high school and graduated college and makes his living as a park ranger. After finishing college he spent a couple of years travelling around the country and then the world. Walked the Appalachian Trail, skied in Japan, snorkelled at The Great Barrier Reef. He lives alone in small unit, but it has more then enough room for him and his dog, plus there's a garden which he secretly enjoys showing off whenever he has visitors. He tried dating, dated a couple of girls, dated a few more boys, had a questionable encounter with Jared Kleinman freshman year of college, but he likes being alone best.

He doesn't have much in the way of possessions. Most of his childhood and teenage possessions are still in his old bedroom at the home he grew up in where his mother now lives with her new partner. But in the corner of his living room, he has a pile of ten second-hand books stacked underneath a year book that's dog eared on the page Connor Murphy's photo is on. It's the only photo he has of Connor, printed black and white, his hair pulled into a loose bun and smiling a fake smile that doesn't reach his eyes. 

Evan has the photo, the books and another reminder of the boy who changed his life by taking his own. Connor's handwriting is tattooed in black ink over the spot where his name was originally written on Evan's cast. It's smaller, which his mother was relieved to see, because Connor hadn't exactly been subtle when he signed Evan's cast back in the computer lab. The tattoo is right over the spot where Evan's cast had been for months, right over the spot where his bone broke. Every movement the tattoo artist made with the gun hurt worse then any broken bone Evan could imagine. He had been sure the needle was injecting fire into his skin rather then ink.

Not long after meeting with Zoe in the orchard the year after he graduated, he met her again, this time in a coffee shop around the corner from the high school. He asked for her permission to get it done. For a moment she didn't reply and although he was managing his anxiety better then he had in school, he worried she was going to yell and throw her coffee on him for even asking. But the stars in her eyes shone brighter and she nodded, the corners of her mouth curving up as she took a sip of coffee. 

People often ask about it when they meet him; "Is he your partner?" "Is that your son's name?" "Who's name is that?" Sometimes Evan's stomach backflips when they ask, but his knees don't start shaking and his hands don't get sweaty at the mention of Connor's name anymore.

He would like to say a friend, it would be easy. But he wasn't Connor's friend, and Connor wasn't his, and he stopped lying a long time ago. 

"A kid I used to know," he usually answers, and although he's gotten better a making eye contact when in conversation, he looks down at his arm when he answers. One day in not too long, it's going to be strange calling Connor a kid, strange for someone of his age to even say kid. But it's the truth, because Connor will always be a kid.

"Used to know?" Some people leave it, but others push for more answers. The new person at work, the teenager scanning his groceries, his hairdresser. 

"He died in high school," he answers. Very few people want more detail after that, and Evan doesn't know if he would tell them if they did. There had been a time to share the story of Connor Murphy, but it had passed. The Connor Project's homepage had been removed and the Facebook page hadn't had any new posts since 2016. When they meet up over lunch every other month, even Alana Beck doesn't mention him anymore.

Even if he doesn't share the story, Evan still thinks about Connor. It's hard not to when his name is written on his skin. That was part of the reason he got it done in the first place. No one deserves to be forgotten, and especially not by someone who screwed up your memory so badly. Evan didn't know where Connor was buried, and often he would pull into the orchard parking lot only to reverse away when he saw the Murphy's car already there. So instead of leaving flowers or spending a quiet moment amongst the apple trees, the tattoo was his way of remembering Connor and everything that had happened after, be it for better or worse.

He hasn't been followed by Connor for years. He doesn't appear opposite him on trains or hover behind him in mirrors anymore, but sometimes Evan swears he can still hear his voice. 

"No wonder you're still single, Hansen. That tattoo is fucking gay."

Evan just smiles and traces the letters on his arm that once upon a time hurt him so much - but like him, are now perfectly healed.


End file.
